31-12-09


This day marks an end to year 2009. 28 years old for that is. At the same time it meant a new beginning. It has something to do with a movie, "AVATAR". There was this scene, where the hero (Jake Sully) of the show receive this new mission, in riding Toruk ( The orange, tiger striped flying creature ) " take it to the next level.

Then after the show, I went home and saw this giant billboard. It said the same thing. " Take it to the next level". For now I'm extremely sure that I felt my calling. On my way home, it was constantly calling me to bring myself to the next act.

Act 2 ( Part of my filmmaking Journey )

Speaking of this..... I reviewed briefly on all the goals I set.

90% achieved. 10% unaccomplished - What are they?
1) I postponed the short film.
2) I couldnt get what I was so infatuated over the last 5 months.
3) 2 years have passed, I made a promise to someone that I would achieve certain success. But instead I steered towards my dream and forsaking the chance to get rich. So be it.

Somehow this calling..... or maybe it was my sub-conscious mind. It gave me a requirement, whether I was willing to forsake it for a year. My answer is Yes.


So, Brand new 2010 Here I come. Oh wait, I'm hearing distant firework sounds, or was it the thunderous night rumbling away.

But my new goal. A feature film for 2010. Time for this hero" Ryan" to get into his act2. I'm Ready Now!

Teleportation

That is what my mind has been doing all over the place. The Vibes I feel, its pretty hard to unfocus at times. Especially times when u start sleeping and the dream world invades, I haven't been sleeping well at night.

My mind is so exhausted because you have been running all over in my head, simply becoz I just couldn't have the chance to rest.

You are so special.

2012

A Disaster Movie 2012 ( How about a prediction for a 4 D )

Indeed~ Why do people keep thinking about dying , end of world? Why did they not see birth or a new goal. I felt disappointed coz the Act 2 of the story made u wanna believe that they created "Spaceship" instead of ship. Anyway that's a personal view.

Suddenly A thought popped into my mind while watching the credits. I thought of someone throughout the show. You said something about " You'd settled for what comes along", but I won't. Whether or not what's mine and what's not, I'm gonna fight for what I want. Should the tsunami goes more than 3,000 ft high or even a 20 pointer earthquake happens. My decision for my path is clear and absolute. "I will not settle for less, I hope the same goes for you".

Believe it or not, I remembered the things you said, the way you felt, the way you reacted, the way you got angry, the path you want to go.

Falling In love Again

"The Ugly Truth"

I watched this movie, I find myself very much alike Gerard Butler. Weeks later I simply forgotten about what this show. Until I heard someone said," I see so much of myself in Katherine Heigl" and she has seen the show 3 times.

Suddenly my forehead felt warm... Its like a South Meeting North Pole of a magnet... I'm glad after all these episodes. There is just Something about her that attracts me so much. This kind of attraction is so unlike before.

You appeared in my dreams.....from what I recalled, I rejected you in the dream. Some signs of how resolved I'm right now. I done with your chapter and I'm glad I'm Falling in love again.

WOW wow WOW

Been ages since I last Post... 1 Piece of Good News & 1 fantastic love story

Good News
My show reels are being examined by Executive ProducerS of Okto and I'm awaiting response to get a job or something, however that's uncertain.


Better than nothing but it shows I'm moving.

Fantastic Love Story ( gonna be long, so sit tight and enjoy the reading as I have enjoyed dreaming it)

This story involves a little boy (ME of coz) & girl ( you won't believe, i will place the pic below) who are orphans and sick with some form of incurable disease. Both of us shared a childhood together and till 20s. I was infatuated with her since teenage, but we lost contact over time and soon we began to go our ways. A pity that I didn't confess my feelings.

I became a doctor researching on curing disease ( her disease) and as I grew matured and older, symptoms of my illness went away. So there was this dinner gala held by the society of above "specialist" doctors. I went and I found her at last.... with her boyfriend though.. and this is how she looks like, she still look as fair as ever.

So of coz I approach her and we began to catchup on good "O" times which I couldn't think of any. I began to realized she is just dating or the sake of dating. However her illness still remains and of my research for curing that illness advanced no further. I began to think of ways to cheer her up since I knew her for a long time. I found out she loves painting and sculpting and thus I began taking some lessons on it without her knowing. Then I forsake every material and riches which I have earned throughout as a doctor and also I began to love these arts over the time and I became master like.

We enjoyed our time together and once I tried to hold her hands but she pushed it off and started off with a different topic, I began to wonder. Several times this type of incident repeated and I slowly got demoralized and I got myself wasted on alcohol. My body wasn't able to take it and the illness came back. I stopped but it was too late, and at the same time she became sicker and she couldn't get out of her house.

I began to spend my time at home leaving the career behind as I knew my days were close. I began paint many portraits and it had a STORYBOARD like feel of my affections to her since teenage. I completed that and I was gonna work on my sculpting of her. I was rushing my work before her time was up.

One day I forgot to leave the gates of the house close and at the same time she decided to visit me, and I couldnt hide all the items in time. She realized the painting and was completely amazed. Once again, I tried to hold her hands she rejected again and this time I told her right in the face how much I have love her since young. Both of us broke into tears and I could tell she was holding onto "thing". Next I cough blood, and it showed how bad health was... and then she spoke,"I'm so sorry, why I rejected you so many times is because I love you". She continued further," because I'm dying and I left a month or 2 to go and I don't want you to bear that kind of grief."

I pulled her to the room where the sculpting of her image was at, next I knew we both held each other and sat down. Moments later.............. that was when I woke up

( who dies next or live, you decide)

THE GIRL IS ..... Lin Chi Ling haha

Trying to move on

Please let me move on, its been ten months already... maybe its my own weakness that resulted in this. Your name keep reappearing out of nowhere, I tried so hard to pretend that you didn't matter anymore. I kept going on dates but it didn't help...

Perhaps I was the only left withering in solace of last winter. I realized I'm nothing but a hollow vessel and there is this frightened kid screaming for help so that he can heal from those very wounds u left.

What else can I do now?

Good News & Bad News

Finally time to share wassup with me. Been busy doing a short film with mdis peeps for a video competition. Lots of experience gathered, it was sure a invaluable one.

Good News
Honestly I dont know if it even counts as one. For the 1st time in my life, I diverted my attention of gaming, unsuccessful womanizing, slacking towards film making. Nothing fervored me like this before. I wish i'm more financially supported in this.

Bad News
I found out that 2 person.....in school contact me for some reason. Whether to go out or just talk, it freakin made me pissed OR wondered. DID U "COMMUNICATE" with me just to vent frustration or boredom then brush me off like a tick when u don't need my ENTERTAINMENT. Why am I so pissed? I just try to be a nice guy sometimes and it seems like when I need to be entertain...... you two just don't even bother to find out why I sms or called.

Is it just me being petty or do I think too much. If I didn't made my "calling" clear enough. FUCK MYSELF but if its true.

FUCK U & FUCK UR ATTITUDE, FUCKERS!

A Great Adventure

Most of the time, I have odd dreams. However this time, it was so seemingly real & logical. Laugh all you want but this is how it went......

I went with a group of Caucasians in a wooden cabin and to my horror they were like having orgies and I was quite disgusted with facial expression walking out when I found their activities. At the same time from another door, another very pretty asian girl walked out with same expression as I carried. She was very beautiful which I couldn't really describe, long smooth silky black hair, tan glowing skin, fine features with demure look. At that split moment we fell in love ( haha, why ? I do not know.) We started getting into courting actions only.

I think this part took place in a medieval age.

As we developed further, I was introduced to her father who was impressed with me for some brave actions in saving some of the people of his country during a flood. Yes he was the king of that country and then I realized the girl was the princess and to make matters worse...... An enemy of my country. You see, I was a captain of my own country and slowly the king found out my origins and declared me to be arrested or killed at sight.

I wore my plate armor and stole a horse and road back towards my border of the country. ( both countries were separated by a river and the only path was to run through a huge wooden draw bridge. Armies were behind me chasing and she was also with the army pleading the king to stop. I had an arrow stuck on my back and several arrows and spears whizzed pass my head. At the very moment, I turned my head back and a tear fell from my eye. When I reached safety, I was terribly wounded.

Several years later I decided to lead a conquest to enter the country and with hopes of her still waiting for me. ( this part i saw a glow in my eye, anticipating with passion )

Awkward

Maybe Its just me thinking too much, seldom or rarely has my senses prove me wrong. I think you are avoiding me, haha......For wat reason, I think I know. Noticed that u don't look into my eyes when I'm talking to u or maybe I'm hallucinating. Still some things are better left unsaid.

Well so be it then. Its not like I want anything from you. Bit by bit, I might no longer require my knee guard anymore. It seems like I'm at a 95% complete knee recovery. Soon there will be a league and this time I will dominate and show prowess !

* An injured then recovered lion's strike is unstoppable * Once they started chasing, they won't stop until their prey is completely dead in its track.

Dramatic Last Few Days

2 days ago, I met some bloke who introduced me really neat stuffs into filming but it wasn't by chance. It was total pure hardwork as i scoured the city from West to Central to East to find a suitable filming video cams & lights

Then he introduced me "SINEMA OLD SCHOOL". Next day I went to watch a local romance movie by myself believing no one would bother accompanying me. Well my primary objective was met, which was to mix around with local film scene. I spoke to this talented younger than me director/producer. My secondary objective would soon be met. After all, I was from the sales line :P pitching with passion shouldn't be a problem I guess.

Also today I spent a fukin busy day trying to clear broken tiles in my living room, did I mention it was like a war zone with debris n rubble all over. How unlucky especially when its chinese new year and worser when u wanna invite friends over for the 1st time.... But then I went on polish up my to swordsmanship like posta de donna, posta longuard and some instabil drills. ( italian names)

Last but not least, I will not allow u to hinder my goals n dreams. I fell deep enough last year and you are but just a passing shadow !

2009 A Fresh Start

For starters, a new blog for a new year and for a new drive within.
Goodstuffs:
1) I believe my knee cap finally recovered after a real bad 7 month long injury
2) I'm getting more serious in school work and being on time
3) I'm angry at something and it gives me alot of strength & power & adrenaline to tone back my body. I mean it
4) I'm dead serious abt getting my driving license now

Neutral:
1) I don't even know its good or bad, I watched "Yes Man" today and discovered too much of myself in the role Jim Carrey was acting.

Badstuffs:
1) I gotta step out of my comfort zone ; ;
2) I got a feeling, I'm giving u false hope. I'm sorry